Step #1. Wait almost 3 years after the house really needs staining.
Step #2. Take can of stain from last time to paint store, they don't make it anymore. Decide on a new colour.
Step # 3. Select the hottest summer on record, and choose most humid day possible.
Step # 4. While picking up cans of stain to take outside, drop one sending a significant amount of stain over the back room, including 2 pairs of wife's shoes.
Step #5. Curse.
Step #6. Clean-up back room, needed it anyway.
Step #7.* Stain for an hour and decide it's too hot, quit.*
Repeat from * to * until finished.